


Dream Back to Late Night

by luminfics, messynss



Series: Round 2018 [22]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Reincarnation, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 19:15:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15226032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminfics/pseuds/luminfics, https://archiveofourown.org/users/messynss/pseuds/messynss
Summary: Remember this, “I am here.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the Mods who hadn’t been giving up on me just yet, I’m really sorry because of many things. You guys were probably so frustrated at me and I’m very sorry for that. I love you guys, each and every one of you are awesome. I hope I don’t disappoint too much. This, I dedicate to the prompter, the mods, and everyone who took your precious time to read this. Thank you!  
> Inspired by Universe, Walk on Memories and Don’t Go.  
> Ah! Also, the title was from Chinese title of Walk on Memories, which directly translated with the aid of my dear friend, Little Rain. I love you Little Rain, this story is also for you! <3  
>   
> Warning: Major Characters Death (but fret not, this is a Reincarnation AU).

 

**April 1912**

**Southampton, United Kingdom, over the Atlantic.**

 

He did not remember which one was more deafening, the roar of the people who excitedly cheered—both from on board of the ship and from the side-liners at the port of Southampton, or the roar of the monstrous vessel humankind had ever built in this lifetime. Glory was a befitting word, for there was celebration, for it was a huge stepping-stone, being able to bring over three thousands of people in one journey of mileage across the Atlantic.

Even after the ceremony had ended with the most wondrous flourish, the buzzes seemed endless still. The musicians held in reserve for the atmosphere to stay jubilant, keeping the celebration up. People’s screams were still booming through the parting horns; those unending _Bon voyage_ s, some of them continued with the excited _See you soon_ in the hopes for their loved ones to come back safely in time, some of them accompanied with tears which most likely meant that their next meeting might as well would be another hazy future for them.

Somehow, he found himself walking around. Just putting a step over another step, trying to stop the queasy feeling that he was literally only one jump away from inevitable death. The ocean was truly terrifying. It was deep, dark, cold, and unbothered. Could not even try to scream because one would be both deafened and muted by endless muddle of water, unforgiving pressure beating one up all over the skin, decapitating, until eventually fell and fell deeper into nothingness.

He still remembered how frightened his younger self was of the ocean, because he was almost drowned and helpless for himself. The particular event brought forth a childhood trauma that decided to grow alongside of him. Batting away the wind with a shiver in his heavy coat, Minseok erased that thought, putting it in a locked trunk at the back of his mind.

Because despite everything, he needed to survive this trip.

He skirted out a group of people, patiently, staying on the inside lane, away from the edge of the magnificent ship, making himself small so that nobody would think he was getting in anybody’s way. Always trying not to be the inconvenience. Just like how he naturally was.

The weather was nice, not too blazingly sunny because enough fluffy white clouds were scattered over the blue sky. The wind was dancing around occasionally, calmer, prompting a peaceful scene for everyone on board of RMS Titanic.

Just when Minseok was stopping his stride to take a few moment for a deep breath, he was bumped into, hard. In a flash seconds, he reached out for the one who collided with him, landing both of them safely, though Minseok was the one who took most of the fall, bumping once again onto the floor.

The high-pitched squeak was the one pulling him back to earth. A series of apologies rained down on him as he was helped to get back on his feet. Minseok huffed good-naturedly, trying to brush everything off.

“I am very, very sorry, sir. I did not mean to run into you like that. Oh dear, it must have been so painful. Are you all right, sir? I am very, very, terribly sorry,” rapid words of accented English rushed out in the open. When Minseok laid his eyes onto the one speaking, his breath was caught, not so unpleasantly. “Sir, are you all right? Please, say something,” the boy tried again after met with only silence.

Minseok blinked. He was dressed humbly in olive shirt that tucked neatly inside a pair of beige pants. Even though the way he dressed was not very extravagant, his overall appearance still made him look exceptionally princely. His black hair—albeit longer than probably what he intended to be—framing and complementing his youthful boyish look. He was beautiful, his wide eyes were full of sparkles. Another silence for Minseok was in a loss of words.

“Sir?” Another blink, it was from the boy again this time.

Minseok blinked and he remembered. “Yes,” he breathed.

The young man sighed his relief. His eyes were still filled with concern. “Are you all right?”

“Yes. Yes, I am all right,” Minseok answered without doubt, his own accent was heavy.

“What is your name?”

 _Well, that was forward_ , Minseok thought. “Pardon?”

“I am checking to see whether you really are all right. What is your name, sir?” The boy patiently asked once again.

_Oh._

“My name is Kim Minseok.” He was pretty sure that he began flushing pink now. That was embarrassing.

The boy sighed again. Then he put on a relieved smile and Minseok wonder how the world had stopped that instant. He wondered how someone could smile that beautifully. Rows of white teeth revealed as the lips curled up with cheeks bounced upon them, crinkles and sparkles around the eyes. Too much sparkle. Honestly breathtaking.

“Truly, I am very sorry for not being careful,” the young man told him for the nth time he could not even bother to count anymore.

“No, it was I who should be sorry. I was getting in the way. I am very sorry, sir.”

“No, it was—” the boy sighed. “Alright, let’s just say we were both had our part in the wrong. And once again, I am sorry.” Minseok smiled at that, and the boy ducked his head down before hastily blurted out, “Alright, I hope you have a nice afternoon, sir. Goodbye.” He nodded his farewell swiftly and walked out of the way, still with his head down.

Minseok was left there with his mouth hanging open because of how sudden. He blinked and remembered where he was, still glued on the same spot. Quickly, he got out of anyone’s way lest he got bumped into again. His ears kept ringing out the high-pitched squeak he heard minutes ago, not to annoy him though, only made him curled up another smile as he remembered the worried beautiful remorseful eyes, sparkles filling them.

Pity that he did not get to know the name.

 

 

 

He woke up the next morning by a light knocking on his door. His companion asked him if he would like to have breakfast out in the dining hall or if he should bring the breakfast in instead. Minseok pushed himself to get up with a soft grunt, rubbing his eyes and yawning. It took him half a minute to answer the young man. “What time is it, Mr. Park?” he asked.

“It is a quarter past ten, sir,” the tall boy answered.

“I slept for quite a long time, it seemed,” Minseok mumbled. “I will go wash the sleep off of me and afterwards we are going to the hall together for brunch.”

“Sir?”

“Park Chanyeol, I told you that it is fine. You are my only companion for this trip, so please do not think if eating on the same table with me is not appropriate or anything. We are far away from the house, so between us it is alright to act like friends here.” Minseok smiled good-naturedly. They had been through this the evening before. Park would somewhat still awkward regardless, but honestly, Minseok did not mind any bit. He would come around.

Chanyeol nodded robotically and Minseok gave him a look, so the taller boy fixed a smile towards him widely, making the older boy smiled too.

If Minseok had to be on a gigantic ship crossing the Atlantic, battling his fear of the terrifying ocean constantly for a journey he barely wanted to have, he might as well tried to get comfortable and enjoy everything along the way. That was the least he could wish for.

The dining saloon was still buzzing around for few people were attending to have their own meals. Minseok chose a small table for two on one silent corner. Waiters began serving the two and Minseok started his first meal of the day, with Chanyeol followed suit accordingly. They made small talk—at least this was fairly more bearable because both of them just seemed attuned with each other for this type of activity.

“What do you think I should be doing for today, Mr. Park?” Minseok wondered aloud.

Chanyeol hummed, swallowing his food—despite being a caretaker, Chanyeol had remarkable table manner, that being one of the reason why Minseok liked his companion—before started, “What about going to the reading room, sir? Maybe you could find something for your liking.”

“That is a great idea. I should see myself to it later. It was a little bit suffocating being inside the suite for far too long of time. I did not know how I survived yesterday. Could barely move a toe after going back to my room in the afternoon.” Somehow talking about the day before made him remember about something else. Like sparkles and soft smiles and slightly accented English. Black hair that the wind liked to give a tickle or two to it when he passed by.

Minseok pondered if he would see the boy once again.

A little voice in his head stopped him with _and what would he do about it?_

 

Minseok ended up resting on his bed again after the brunch because apparently consuming food really took a toll in him if he was doing it on a moving vessel. He tried hard to keep the food down, closing his eyes in his darkened room, taking his mind off the dread by trying to think of happy things. Drifting out to sleep was inevitable and so he spent half the afternoon on his bed once again.

“Maybe if I do not have any meal as long as I am in this boat, I will be fine,” Minseok lamented before taking the herb tea Chanyeol had prepared for him that evening.

“That is a very unwise decision, sir. I cannot let you starve. People would hold me responsible for not taking care of you well in this journey,” Chanyeol said with a downturned expression. He probably did not like seeing his master unwell, much more because he actually cared about him not only because it was his job to cater for the elder.

Minseok sighed. It was frustrating and he wanted to just get out of this all. He changed the subject to a lighter one, asking Chanyeol what he had been doing all day while Minseok was powerless in the room. Chanyeol told him he did not go around much because he could not leave Minseok alone lest he needed something from him, to that Minseok told him it was fine and that he should go explore the ship if he wanted to. Chanyeol promised he would do that as long as Minseok could adapt himself better for the rest of journey. Minseok said to him cheekily that of course, he would do just that, and that he was nothing if not malleable, making both of them laugh good-naturedly.

When Chanyeol brought up about dinner, Minseok winced. He was about to tell the taller boy that he would be fine skipping it just like the other night, but Chanyeol’s concerned eyes stopped him. That was all it take for him to go freshen up and stepped into the dining saloon once again with his companion.

Unlike the brunch hour earlier, the dining saloon was filled with more people because well, it was dinnertime. Overlapped chatter and clinks of silver, ceramics, and glasses buzzed inside the large hall filling the room with pleasant soundtrack over the real musical performance that accompanied dinner. On their way to an empty table, he spotted the black hair framing pale skin of a youthful face and sparkle-full of eyes exchanging pleasantry with his own companion. He met Minseok’s eyes too and when he smiled at him with a slight blush adorning his cheeks, Minseok put on his own smile, gummy and widely. He did not approach the boy and only continued to go over to his own table, thinking that maybe, maybe dinner would be more bearable this time after all.

 

 

 

Wind flapped his hair like the haughty coy one it was, and the brown strands just gave in to play along, slapping back and forth of Minseok’s head. He took a deep breath, walking quickly out of anybody’s way, lounging around the reading room was in his mind. He brought with himself a few books of his own collection, but he was curious of what he would find in the library of a luxury cruise humankind had ever made.

The mahogany rows filled the sides of the room with countless books. There might be a few of older prints amongst, but all Minseok could see was mostly fresh newer published writings. A number of chairs and tables neatly scattered inside the library, not so many people were sitting at this time. Minseok spent hours in the calm trance of literature, chosen one book for the day and passing the time effectively without having to think that he was over the ocean where all his worries were heavy.

He was too entranced with the book he was reading so when he got up from his seat, he could feel his entire muscles protesting. He worked the cricks off him before walking out of the place. The sun was on the side of the bright sky, telling him that he spent half the afternoon without worry. He was walking along the deck when he found himself across of the young man, garbed in faded burgundy shirt and black slacks, meeting eyes instead of bumping into each other firsthand this time.

The boy told his companion something in a soft voice, smiling at the tall handsome man with a dimple on his cheek when he smiled back. Seeing this, Minseok did not know what to do, if he should just walk away after a passing greeting with the man he had bumped into the day before, but instead it was the man with the dimple who walked away first. Minseok felt something fluttered when he saw the boy approaching him.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Kim Minseok,” he greeted with a small smile.

“Good afternoon, Mister.” Minseok raised his eyebrows confusedly of how to finish that greeting.

“Ah, it is Lu Han, Mr. Kim,” he told him. “I am sorry I did not inform you that the last time we...” he trailed off and chuckled lightly, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Minseok thought about how melodious the sound was, full of mirth, mixed with a tinge of shyness.

Minseok smiled at that. “It is fine, really. Are you enjoying the voyage, Mr. Lu?”

He began walking slowly towards the direction Minseok was taking, making the shorter man filling the steps beside the taller. “Mostly, yes. The ship is tremendous and just begging to be explored. I could smell the luxury even with the wind just relentlessly blowing on to my nose, don’t you think?” he started.

Minseok hummed his agreement, although had not explored everything yet himself, he still got the idea. He tried not to look at the side where he could only see the blueness of sky and the ocean around. The slight quiver filled his insides and he hoped Lu Han would not notice.

“Were you at the library, Mr. Kim?” he asked after a few beat of silence.

“Yes, I was curious of what they have in there,” he said, accent heavy.

“Did you find something interesting?”

“Gladly. I think I spent most of my afternoon in there. It was a pleasant and calming treat.”

They walked and walked, and ended up at a promenade deck. Many people of all age were around, most likely sunbathing under the last trickle of sun. It was a nice weather, minimal cloud over the sky. They found an empty table with two seats, Minseok soundlessly pulling the chair for Lu Han to take a seat on. He smiled at the gesture, and Minseok felt that flutter once again.

Talking with Lu Han was as pleasant as he could feel. They talked about any many things they could think of, discussing recent events like it was easy, as if they had known each other for a long time, and this time was just like any other get-together for them. Making each other laughed was another easy thing. Lots of teasing and light banter as if it was natural of the two of them to do so. Minseok thought of Lu Han as a wonderful young man with free-spirited but graceful. Lu Han’s mind was sometimes unpredictable and seemingly out of place because Minseok never met someone quite like him before.

Although he liked the time spending with Lu Han’s companionship, being out in the open on the large vessel was still making himself queasy, to say the least. He reminded himself that he was barely at the edge where he could fall easily, but still, whenever he was conscious and he could feel the waving motion under his feet, his stomach’s would react unkindly to it. Lu Han’s talking effortlessly took his mind off, but his expression must have shown of how he was battling through something within himself.

“Are you all right, Mr. Kim? Did I finally bore you out with my rambling?” he asked good-naturedly.

“No, not at all. I am sorry, I am just not good at an over the ocean journey. It is not that I found you uninteresting, it was just—”

Han’s cheeks reddened instantly, making him even more beautiful, but the concern in his eyes was something that Minseok wanted to erase from there. “Should I relieve you instead? I did not want to bother your time. It just seemed like you could be a good companion, which was why I decided to greet you before,” he told him.

“And I thank you for that, I did not mind one bit, truly. I had a nice time. I could only hope if we would do this again,” Minseok told the other boy, his tone was hopeful though dripping with regret of having such bad condition of himself at this time spent with him.

Thankfully, Lu Han understood. He nodded and told Minseok if he saw him next time, then they should chat again. Their parting handshake was a bit lingering before Lu Han waved his goodbye at him. With heavy steps, Minseok went back to his suite, in it he found Park was meddling around a ball of yarn. The tall boy escorted his master and immediately asked if he was feeling fine.

Minseok just smiled at him. He told the caretaker that they would be having dinner in the suite that night, and Chanyeol affirmed his wish and quickly accommodated everything needed. Minseok settled on to freshen up and wash the queasy feeling away out of him. He still needed to have dinner or else Chanyeol would shove the food for the older boy to take himself.

While settling in the bathtub, he wondered about many things. About the book he read, about this journey, about the boy with captivating sparkles in his eyes, smiling effortlessly at almost everything. Beautiful. Fascinating. Making his heart flutter over and over again.

_Although, what would he do about it?_

He dove his head inside the tub for some good minutes to let the thought drown. He sighed longingly before getting up and dressed himself. Maybe if he decided not to think about it, he would at least enjoy the rest of the trip, thinking that he could only cherish this experience of meeting someone new and perhaps that would be enough.

 

 

 

“Chanyeol,” Minseok started.

Said young man looked up from the dish he was having, sensing that whenever Minseok started calling his name like that he knew that the elder was about to ask something important and personal. “Yes?”

“Actually, never mind me. I did not know what I was thinking,” the smaller man mumbled.

Chanyeol looked at him curiously, full of wonder of the older man. He did not prod further, probably because he was unsure if by doing so would cross many, many lines.

At that moment, Minseok caught someone in his line of sight. His face instantly brightened up to quirk a smile. Lu Han had just walked into the dining saloon, with the same young man Minseok recognized from yesterday was walking beside him. This time all shyness dissipated as Lu Han spotted Minseok. He waved at him lightly before walking to the table to greet him. The flutter in Minseok’s heart was gratifying.

“Good morning, Mr. Kim,” Lu Han bowed.

“Good morning, Mr. Lu. Are you about to have breakfast?” the taller boy nodded his answer and Minseok got an idea. “Would you and your friend mind to join us for breakfast, perhaps? We had just started ourselves.”

Han exchanged glance with his dimpled friend who smiled as if telling him _why_ _not_. His ecstatic smile was blinding and Minseok could feel his own heart racing.

Minseok pulled a chair for Lu Han who thanked him with another shy smile. As they waited for the waiters to put more food on the table, Minseok introduced Chanyeol to both of the newcomers and Lu Han introduced his friend, Yixing Zhang. Minseok had heard how Lu Han had compulsively decided to take a short vacation on the new cruise, the RMS Titanic everyone was talking about, and how Mr. Zhang agreed to tag along after a lot of pestering from Lu Han’s part. _I certainly did not pester him,_ he would beg to differ. _I only told him how this could be a journey of a lifetime and it would be a pity for him to miss this._ The pout the boy made for his defense—in Minseok’s opinion—was very precious.

The group exchanged some friendly remarks and Minseok caught some meaningful gazes Lu Han had towards him every time Mr. Zhang was trying to tell more stories about the older boy. He would get easily embarrassed and flustered after each punchlines of the stories and Minseok grinned widely looking at his reddened speechless face. He could tell by the familiarity of how close Lu Han and Yixing were.

Dinner ended in no time, and looking at Lu Han’s expression as if he was having a discussion within himself while glancing at Minseok, the young man took it upon himself to ask the hanging question.

“Han, would you mind taking a walk with me?” he asked politely.

The black-haired boy smiled at him then looked at Yixing silently and his companion gave him a nod to go-ahead. Chanyeol told his master that he would be in the suite if he needed anything before walking away with a polite wave to the group. Minseok and Lu Han fell into steps alongside each other, naturally in the same patient rhythm.

Surprisingly Minseok’s mood was so uplifted that he was barely conscious about him being surrounded by endless water. Perhaps because it was dark outside of the gigantic ship, perhaps because the only source of light was from the moonlight and the scattered stars above, with Lu Han’s eyes reflecting the shine, and perhaps it was because Lu Han’s soft voice was always giving him the calming effect. He could handle his stomach even after consuming dinner, and that really should be telling something.

Han told him about his past journeys. Being a merchant made him travel a lot. Lu Han was from the land of the East, China to be exact, and he had been living nomadically ever since he was learning to walk on his own two feet. Maybe that was where the sparkles in his eyes came from; he visited places, collecting views and tales for later recount, witnessing things that Minseok could barely even imagine. The merchant’s effortlessly friendly demeanor and familiar banter to anybody he crossed path with made Lu Han’s smile as if it was naturally pasted onto his boyish face. Minseok wondered if he had ever been at that point where his own smile was anywhere close to that level of genuineness.

Witnessing how free-spirited one could be, made him feel a slight pang of longing for himself. Not once, he ever recalled having his own choice to take. Everything had been on a meticulous organized path for him. Being raised in a household of visitors on a foreign land where they could be easily distinguished and shunned away if they were not careful, made his life have only limited options, for they had to survive no matter what. He never promised to anyone, but he took any steps needed to make his family live on. He never minded anything, because he barely ever wanted to have any strayed thought that could make him become selfish. Because what even Minseok would have been if he were ever once being selfish?

There was a lull under the moonlight. The chilly wind made many passengers already retreating themselves into the safety warmth the cabin rooms provided. Still there was fading noises of people partying, joyful music and cheers, it was all become the same background noise that just slightly filling the lull.

“I am about to be engaged,” Minseok blurted. “I am heading to New York to meet her and discuss about taking her hand into marriage.”

The fall on Lu Han’s surprised face was never what Minseok would imagine. A confused scrunch after the shock were also something new and unpleasant to witness, and then it transformed into hurt and Minseok felt his stomach flipped. He really wanted to take it back. He regretted every second of this.

“I believe congratulations are in order, then. I am sure she is a wonderful lady, Mr. Kim,” Lu Han said with a soft distant smile. It was an unusual type of smile. Minseok wondered if this was what his not-so-genuine smile looked like.

They walked the rest of their stroll mostly in silence, awkward and light tense on the air around them. Lu Han tried with a few questions thrown at him like what food she liked, or if she was an interesting and nice, or what she would like to do in her pastimes, to all of which Minseok could barely answer. In all honesty, Minseok did not even know her other than her name and her family name. Lu Han got even more and more confused.

“Are you saying you did not know what your fiancée looked like?” Lu Han asked confoundedly.

“That is how it is,” Minseok answered sadly.

The taller man gave him a puzzled look with a meaningful air around it, mostly sympathetic. When they arrived in front of Lu Han’s suite, he gave him a loose hug. The lump in Minseok’s throat had gotten even more prominent then because he could not answer when Lu Han said, “Good night, Minseok,” before parted ways that night.

 

 

 

The next morning, Minseok did not have the will to get up. Should he just fake illness so that Chanyeol would not ask him why he looked so down that day? Although, Chanyeol had seen how Minseok gotten better with adapting himself on the boat the past few days, faking illness might as well still raise questions that Minseok did not want to answer. Regardless, his aching heart was something that would not go away any sooner.

He went back to his silent self all morning and by many fleeting look Chanyeol gave him, Minseok knew the taller man was ready to give him the queries at any time. Minseok sighed to himself, he just had to face this head on.

“Chanyeol, what do you think of Lu Han?” Minseok started.

“Mr. Lu is very kind and friendly, sir. He is beautiful, well-spoken, and well-mannered, and from what I gathered, he is just hungry for more adventure and I think it is very admirable,” Chanyeol pondered.

“I like him.”

“Well, he is very likeable...” Chanyeol’s eyes widened as he was taking what Minseok had just said to him. “Sir?! Did you mean—”

“Yes, Chanyeol. It was so frustrating. But I like him, from the very first time I saw him. Do you think it would be a problem?” Minseok asked his still wide-eyed companion.

“But, sir. He is... You are...” Chanyeol uselessly flailed, trying to get his point across. “Mr. Kim, you are about to be engaged with a young woman. We... You. I am accompanying you on this journey for you to meet her in New York. We are about to reach New York in any time soon. And you...” he immediately stopped when he saw his master’s sad eyes. The threatening emptiness was frightening.

Minseok let out a sound of frustration, as he ran a hand through his face, not so gently, so Chanyeol had to rush over to stop the smaller man. A strayed tear making its way out of the corner of Minseok’s eye. “I am going crazy, Chanyeol. I do not know what to do. Every time, every time I was thinking about him, I tried to brush away all of this... all of this misguided feeling. But it was of no use. None of that seemed to be any mattered because I was just helplessly falling for him. I could not stop myself. I know I have to but I do not want to. This is so foolish.”

Chanyeol gathered Minseok in his hold, stroking a soft calming hand over the smaller man’s back, repeatedly trying to sooth the older one. Minseok was trembling and this is probably the worst of Minseok that Chanyeol had ever witnessed for his whole life.

“Sir, I have to be honest with you. Neither do I know what to do about this. I could not hold my words for yet to come if I were to say you should pursue him no matter what the consequences, it is not as if everything would be okay in the future, because nobody could guarantee that. But also, I do not know if stopping yourself would be a wise choice _for you_ , sir. I am so sorry. I did not know what to do or say for this matter,” Chanyeol told him, his hopelessness shown in the tightened hug he gave the smaller man.

“I know, Chanyeol. It actually does not matter, I think. It is not as if I had known him for my whole life, and this journey would end eventually, too. I just have to forget about this. It should be fine.”

Despite all that, Minseok knew deep down, that none of that was true. Minseok already felt like he had known Lu Han for all his life, as if he was someone who he had been searching for and finally found. Letting him go would be as hard as letting that flicker of hope go, as small as the hope could be. This one would definitely scar.

“Maybe it was not my place to say about this, because this probably would not—never be easy, but sir, please follow your heart. You would never know what fate had written out for you. One path could lead to another, any possibilities are limitless, and you would never see what is out there if you never discover them yourself,” Chanyeol told him softly.

 

_But my fate had already decided on which path I should take._

 

 

 

Minseok was not expecting anyone to come to the suite cabin that next day. Both Chanyeol and he already decided that they would stay inside their suite until they reached New York. Minseok was exhausted following the previous day’s aftermath, and trust Chanyeol to try to make him feel better, telling some silly jokes or whatever it would cost to get Minseok to smile. The taller man did not even let Minseok to step outside to either exploring the ship or to get fresh air alone. It might slightly feel suffocating being like this, but this could be what Minseok needed after all.

So, when Chanyeol opened the door to answer the soft knocking, Minseok could hear stuttering Lu Han trying to be granted permission from the glaring towering boy. Minseok needed to remind Chanyeol that Lu Han had yet known about Minseok’s feelings toward the doe-eyed boy, so he stepped in between both of them to stop Chanyeol from giving Lu Han the indifferent glower. The tallest of the three stepped back politely, going as far as he could to give the two boys privacy to speak alone, but still within sight. Minseok tried to hold back his smile at Chanyeol’s protective act.

“Good morning, Mr. Kim,” Lu Han greeted with a small smile. It did not reach his eyes.

“Good morning, Mr. Lu.”

“I was wondering if you would like to take a walk with me today. The weather is beautiful outside and we could have lunch together later. Only if you would, of course,” Lu Han rattled, his accented English was heavy with hesitation.

It was ridiculous, but Minseok felt like he was missing Lu Han so much, even though he only did not see him for a day or so. It was not helping when Lu Han dressed formally than his usual self, as if everything he was doing this day was with intention. The smaller boy could feel himself starting to swoon, but he also felt thoroughly doomed as well.

The sadness he felt was unbearable.

Maybe that what he needed. Closure.

“Alright. If you could give me just a minute. I will be right outside with you, Mr. Lu,” Minseok told him.

He retreated inside to gather himself once more. He walked towards where Chanyeol was standing, the tall boy’s stance was still rather guarded, his eyes ready with questions.

“Sir?”

“Chanyeol. I will be with Lu Han, and... talk. We have not talked about this whole thing and I have things to say to him, so maybe this is my—our chance for both of our resolves,” Minseok said. “From what I see of him just now, I think he is still only wondering about me, and he probably wants some answer too. I would give him and see what he would take of it.”

“Are you going to be okay, sir?” Chanyeol asked carefully.

“I hope I would be. But just like you said the other day, I have to see and discover this for myself.”

“You are going to be fine, sir.”

“Thank you, Chanyeol. Bid me some good luck.” Minseok smiled genuinely to the tall boy. Unceremoniously, both of them reached out for each other and Chanyeol wrapped him in a big hug. Minseok might feel small, but he would feel that sense of security in this hold.

“Good luck, sir.”

“I will see you soon and tell you all about it, okay? Do whatever you want to do today and do not worry about me,” Minseok said sincerely. He broke the hold and saw Chanyeol nodded at him with a wide smile. He reached out to pat the other’s shoulder before taking his jacket and headed outside with another wave at the younger boy.

 

Lu Han led them to one of the promenade deck and from his gait, Minseok could tell the other boy was nervous. They walked slowly, icy breeze blowing by occasionally, Lu Han kept a fair distance between them but Minseok could still feel his warmth.

The brown-haired man tried to ease his companion, bringing back the familiarity they built together the past few days, and so naturally, Lu Han went along with him effortlessly. They talked about almost anything, the usual weather, favorite pastimes, how it was only a few more days until Lu Han’s twentieth birthday, marking that Minseok was only almost a month older than the taller boy was.

The luncheon reminder blaring through within the ship and many people got on their feet to go to the dining halls. Minseok and Lu Han did not budge from their seats. Lu Han asked him if he wanted to have lunch but Minseok told him he would if it was less crowded at the dining saloon. And then Lu Han told him to wait there as he headed out of the promenade deck, for a few minutes after, two waiters were bringing platefuls of food to the table. The taller boy told the waiters his gratefulness, which Minseok parroted right after.

They enjoy their lunch out in the open, sea surrounding them. Minseok voiced out his slight fright of it, but Lu Han assured him that it would be okay. It would be a good method to face his fear or whatever. Minseok snorted at that, before remembering his manner, to which they both laughed boisterously. Manner be damned.

This was what Minseok missed of Lu Han, he realized. They spent the rest of the day just naturally, time spent without any mind about it. This was what Minseok had missed of Lu Han, and this would be what Minseok missed of Lu Han later.

 

“I grew up in a house of visitors on a strange land,” Minseok started, it was about to be sun down. They were walking alongside the deck now, Minseok away from the edge. “Expectation is fairly high on me as we are growing up to settle in that land. I am an only child of the second generation. We have yet settled down even though we have abundant possessions on our name. You never know if we could be kicked out from the society at any time. Shunned back to where we began, but even then, that fear will still haunt us. That fear of would that sense of belonging still welcome us on that old land anyway?” Minseok continued, eyes distant.

They walked slowly, each steps filling the recounted memory Minseok was telling the other boy. Lu Han silently encouraged him to continue.

“There are many things I fear of. I am afraid—terrified of the ocean, as I told you before. The thoughts of falling into nothingness, suffocated not even able to breathe. The first few days of me being on this ship, I felt doom. I could barely digest any food, and every time I felt the ship rocking just slightly under my feet, I would cower. It was hellish. But I have to still go on, because that is what people expected of me,” Minseok carried on.

“You are a small man burdened so much by the weight of lives on your shoulders,” Lu Han said.

“I get used to it over the time, Lu Han.” Minseok gave him a trifling smile. “I just have to hang on. Onto myself, at the very least.”

“You are so selfless. And you do not know how much I admire that.”

“And you are the embodiment of what I wish myself to be. The pipe dream. Free. At liberty. Travelling the world with minimal consequences. And I admire that to no end,” Minseok told him.

“I still stumbled upon some consequences here and there, you see,” Lu Han said softly. “Like falling for you, for once.” His doe-like eyes gazed upon, searching for the smaller man’s eyes.

Minseok’s breath hitched. No matter how ready he was, he still could not help the loud beating his heart did. Lu Han’s eyes was sad but still filled with hope, the sparkles refused to die.

“Your eyes are very beautiful. I fell for you the first time I caught those sparks filling your eyes.”

They were both silent, the two of them not knowing what to say or do. It was not as if their confession could go on about but nowhere. The cold wind was getting colder by the minute, the peeking sun was about to get some rest for the day.

The twilight was catching up with the darkness, making the sky a beautiful gradient of orange and purplish hue, with calm water grasping the most sparks out of the remaining light above. The full moon was already rising on the other side, still dimming before yet it could take the reign over the sun. The view was breathtaking. It was getting cold but his small hand was enveloped by warmth, Minseok realized it was Lu Han’s hand holding onto his. Minseok squeezed back before intertwining them altogether.

“Minseok. You could have me as long as you want. As long as we are both on this chanced journey together, before we have to part ways later when we reached our destination,” Lu Han told him.

“Did you realize how painful it would be after all of this ends?”

“Yes, I am well aware. But it would be even more painful if I let go of you right now. We have time and why would we not make the most out of it? We could make memories to look back later.”

“Yes, we could make memories together to look back, but it would only bring pain because none of us is beside each other when we are reminiscing those memories. It is going to be hurt so much, Lu Han, does not matter how beautiful it would be, did you realize that?” Minseok’s voice was small, and he was desperate. His whole being was screaming that it was a very bad idea, but another crazy in him wanting to withdraw himself to Lu Han. He wanted Lu Han.

“I love you. I will search for you. No matter where you go,” Lu Han said, brushing away the tears that fell from Minseok’s eyes, could not care less of his own tears striking down soundlessly.

Minseok could not answer that, so he buried himself in Lu Han’s hold. The helpless tears continued on falling down as he sobbed. Their body trembled together within the cold night air.

“Minseok, I am sorry,” Lu Han said, his own voice was breaking. He continuously stroked the smaller boy’s back. “Let’s get inside. It is cold and I do not want you to get sick.”

The older boy did not budge, he was trying hard to keep down his sobbing. Lu Han’s hand did not stop comforting him.

“Minseok, please,” Lu Han tried again.

Finally, Minseok gave his nod, so Lu Han cupped Minseok’s cheek with one hand, the other hand reaching out to his pocket for a handkerchief. Lu Han proceed to wipe away Minseok’s tears, very gently, as if he did not want to break the smaller man any further. Minseok’s heart was fluttering crazily.

Lu Han led them to his own suite cabin, not holding Minseok’s hand like before, but his stance was still protectively very close to the smaller man. Once they were inside, the suite owner told Minseok to sit down on the sofa and he wrapped his hand around Minseok’s once again. Minseok had calmed down exceedingly and he just let Lu Han hold him.

Right then, he realized that he wanted this. No matter what the future held, he would still want to be with Lu Han. And just as Lu Han had promised to search for him no matter where he went, Minseok would like to promise himself to stay as long as he could.

They would find each other.

“Can I kiss you?” Minseok asked for his last drop of courage.

“Yes. Yes, you can,” Lu Han answered with a smile. His happiness were blinding, and contagious.

Just when they were about to close their distance, they felt the gravity shifted sickeningly before the great jolt beneath their feet making them bumped into each other instead in surprise. Lu Han was about to profusely apologize to him, but Minseok was faster, “Are you okay?”

“Yes. You are all right?” Lu Han asked him and Minseok nodded before they were both looking around. “What was that?” Lu Han confusedly asked.

Realization was heavy around them as soon as the shock over, only to be replaced by another impending trepidation.

“Did you think we hit something?” Minseok shivered, feeling the immense fear suddenly enfolding him. His eyes must’ve shown it because Lu Han was quick to embrace him.

“It—it will be okay, Minseok. It will be okay.” Lu Han assured him. None of them was too positive about this.

The siren was blaring through the silent night, deafening, buried within the panicked voice of people on the ship. There were loud knocking on the door before it opened wide to one of the crewmen, a server, was telling both of them to get their lifebelts, handing two in his hands to the frightened boys. After the server had gone to the next suite, they saw Yixing was approaching them in the same rush, telling them to quickly put on the jackets and move on.

The three of them headed out, quickly on their feet all the while trying to wear the lifebelts properly, before Minseok tugged on Lu Han’s hand with panic in his eyes. “Chanyeol! I have to get Chanyeol too, Lu Han!” Minseok shouted desperately.

Lu Han nodded before telling Yixing to continue to go on as he explained about Chanyeol. They agreed to meet later at the promenade deck, promised to find each other as soon. Lu Han held a tighter grip on Minseok’s hand as the smaller boy led the way to his own cabin.

There were too many people on the deck and they got pushed around a lot, but Minseok’s hand was still tight on Lu Han’s, no matter what. Minseok could not care less about the people or him being on the edge, of the ship, barricaded by the side rail. He lost his focus when one particular shove sending him flying over the metal rail losing his balance, bringing Lu Han with him.

The plop into the ocean made the most ominous sound that pierced Minseok’s whole being. The cold water instantly pricked his body to the bone like thousands of icicle stabbing his skin. The steady hand that had been holding onto him now pulling him up, it was easier because their lifebelt was on.

“Minseok! Minseok, breathe!” Lu Han warned him, his own breath was short because of the low temperature surrounding them.

It seemed like there were many other people who fell into the water even before the lifeboats were undecked. Many people floated around and screaming. Minseok could feel the inside of his ears ringing a consistent long high-pitched tune, swiping away all the possible sound breaking the calm night.

There were two cold hands holding onto his equally cold cheeks, and Minseok tried to hear what Lu Han was saying. Something about breathe? So he tried to inhale as many air onto his lungs, it was extremely painful because of the dreaded cold of the Atlantic water.

After he managed himself to breathe more properly, he tried to focus more. Minseok’s eyes fell onto Lu Han’s harried face, cold hands still holding onto his cheeks, only with a bit of gentleness amongst the desperation.

“Lu Han,” he croaked. He could barely heard himself saying that, ears still ringing. Minseok took Lu Han’s hands and both hanging onto each other’s dear lives, quite literally.

“Minseok, I am here. You have to stay with me.” Lu Han frantically told him.

Minseok could only nod, but he was not too hopeful about this.

“Stay awake, Minseok. Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t leave you, Lu Han. I am here.”

All the desperation eventually faded away into blackness as his eyelids fell heavily, giving in to the coldness.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

**April 2018**

**Incheon, South Korea, in flight to JFK, New York.**

 

The humming around the plane cabin annoys the life out of him. The in-flight beeping annoys him. Everything annoys him. Lu Han sighs in annoyance. Why did he have to get the window seat? Just his good riddance luck.

Maybe he should take the aisle seat, exchange it with whoever his seatmate will be. There is no way Lu Han could last on the airborne journey for approximately fifteen hours if he has to be reminded of his fear of height whenever he looks to his right. He prays for his seatmate to be the one who does not fear anything. Yes, he could live with that.

Lu Han looks at the time, only three minutes before the scheduled take off, but his supposed seatmate is still out of sight. Maybe Lu Han should just take the seat right now, he cannot risk his sanity to change seat while the plane is taking off. Just when he is about to unbuckle his safety belt, a man hurriedly pacing into the business class, his feet are quick in Lu Han’s direction. Ah, it must be him.

The small-built man took off his huge dark blue backpack to put it inside the hand luggage compartment above their seat, leaving him with only a fanny pack slinging across his shoulders, the pocket in front of his chest. He takes out a boarding pass from the fanny pack and confusedly looking at his supposed seat.

“Excuse me,” the man says. When Lu Han looks up to meet his eyes with the cat-like eyes, the wide eyes widen even more while the man’s hitches his breath as if he is in a big surprise.

“Yes?” Lu Han stares at him, wondering about something. What that something is, he doesn’t exactly know himself. “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I mean, would you mind if you exchanged seat with me? I’m truly sorry about this but I can’t sit by the windows, because... reasons. I know I am already on your seat as I am asking you this, but the plane is about to take off, and—” just then, the announcement comes off like clockwork and a flight attendant reminds the still standing man to quickly put on his seatbelt. Lu Han sheepishly smiles at the man and gives way for him to his window seat.

The man quickly sits beside him and buckles his seatbelt with a swift and loud click. Lu Han looks to his side right when the man is looking over at Lu Han’s side and their eyes meet once again.

 _Wow, I am supposed to be on my heartbreak period, but this guy’s eyes are so beautiful,_ he mentally notes.

It should be weird, by the lengthy obvious staring at each other, but nobody seems to want to break the spell. Lu Han feels like he has to at least know the guy’s name. “I’m Lu Han,” he tells the smaller man.

They are still not breaking the eye contact, but the guy’s blinking is undoubtedly adorable. “Minseok.”

“Thank you for exchanging your seat with me, Minseok,” Lu Han says with a sheepish smile.

“Yeah, it’s all right. I don’t really mind, actually. I am glad I could be of help,” Minseok says softly.

Minseok is still staring, but Lu Han doesn’t really feel invaded as he should be, so he doesn’t address on the matter. When Lu Han doesn’t say anything else, he swears he could see a flicker of sadness within those eyes, and Lu Han ponders about what it would be and most importantly, _why_.

The take-off is always Lu Han’s least favorite part. That feeling of shifting gravity is always unpleasant to his stomach, ears, brain, his whole being. He shuts his eyes tightly when he feels himself and the ground beneath him being lifted.

A small tap on his shoulder makes him open his right eye, and he could see Minseok’s worried face. “Do you want me to hold your hand?” _Is he... flirting with me?_ “Just me, being here if you want something to hold onto. You seemed frightened,” Minseok explains with small voice. _Oh well, not really flirting then._

“I kinda am, yeah. I’m sorry but, can I?” Lu Han asks, his terrified expression must’ve shown and Minseok nods, holding out a small hand which Lu Han grips unhesitatingly. “Thank you for this. Flying sucks,” Lu Han mumbles.

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll get over soon enough before you know it. It’ll be okay,” Minseok assures him. And with that, nothing seems to be that annoying anymore.

 

Lu Han ends up sleeping for about two hours after the take-off. Now the plane is on a steady motion thousands of feet above the ground. There is a blanket wrapping over him and a slight tug reminds him that he is still holding onto Minseok’s small hand. He feels his face warming up a pink blush, though when he looks over to the man’s side, a peaceful sight of Minseok’s sleeping face greets him, the window’s closed beside him.

Why does it feel like an abrupt nostalgia? Maybe Minseok reminds him of someone. But who?

Lu Han sighs soundlessly before shutting his eyes once again.

 

“I have to go to the restroom,” Lu Han sighs. “Could you please tell me that it will be okay for me to get up on my own two feet to go to the back?” he winces.

The amusement on Minseok’s face is like a truck of shame ready to hit him at any given time. Though, Minseok’s eyes are sincere when he tells him, “You’ll be okay, Lu Han.”

“I really hate being airborne.”

“Do you want me to go there with you?” Minseok asks blandly. Lu Han splutters at that, but Minseok’s eyes aren’t even showing any weird laced suggestion within his offer, only that concern again.

“No. You don’t have to! I mean—it would seem weird. I mean—never mind. I’ll be back.” Lu Han hides his flushed face quickly as he walks along the path to the back restroom.

Lu Han slaps his face with water and tells the reflection in the mirror to get himself together. He is supposed to be on a heartbroken period, wailing over his unlucky star of what and where did it go wrong, of why would nobody love him. Getting dumped right before his birthday is what his crazy luck is saying for him to stop being such a whiney who is only capable of making decisions on a whim. Pouting, he takes some of the tissue from the roll to pat the excess water on his face.

When he walks back to his seat, only to find Minseok with two glasses of champagne on his portable tray. “You told me it’s your birthday today—I mean it’s already the 20th in Seoul’s time—and I thought about giving you a well-deserved treat,” Minseok tells him sheepishly.

Lu Han scrunched up his face confusedly. Did Lu Han really say that, though? To someone he has just met? _Way to make life choices on a whim, whiney boy._

“I’m sorry. I thought this is an okay gesture, but now I realize I might’ve crossed some boundaries. I’m so sorry. Please just forget about this,” Minseok’s hesitant eyes are running wild as he says this.

Lu Han quickly takes a seat and buckles himself. He spreads a tray over him and just as quick before Minseok starts to get saddened over this whole hoopla, he pats the smaller man’s black hair in thanks. “No, it’s alright. This is an okay gesture. Very sweet even, I might say. Thank you, Minseok.”

Minseok’s smile is very precious, and Lu Han feels that darned flutters again seeing that gummy wide smile. Minseok holds out one of the flute to give to the blond-haired man, which he gladly takes.

“Cheers,” Lu Han says before clinking their glasses together. Happiness easily takes over after the first gulp of the bubbly drink.

They talk each other’s ears off afterwards as easy as any old friends would do. Minseok tells Lu Han that he is heading to New York on a business trip, while Lu Han may or may not be spilling too much about his runaway trip. More often than not, he catches Minseok’s meaningful gaze. Lu Han may have been imagining things, but he could feel the longing within his gaze. And whenever Lu Han asks him, _What?_ Minseok would be quick to reply with, _nothing._

None of it seems like _nothing_. But Lu Han does not prod around too much, he doesn’t want to be that annoying weird dude on the plane.

 

They fall asleep for two more hours, an hour before the supposed time of arrival in JFK Airport. Now that he has already exhausted his in-flight sleeping, Lu Han has to stay awake for yet another dreaded landing. If the take-off is Lu Han’s least favorite part, the landing is the unforgivable madness hanging part. The expecting of bouncy tires touching down safely onto the earth filled with the utmost uncertainty, so Lu Han rather need something to hold onto, at the very least.

Of course, Minseok easily offered his hand once again, to which Lu Han gratefully takes.

Though, this reminds him of another uncertainty.

Will he meet Minseok again when they part after this dreaded touchdown?

 

Lu Han sighs as he sits down on the backseat of the taxi after telling the driver with immaculate English of where he is heading. He parted ways with Minseok just before they reached baggage claim. Minseok didn’t bring any other luggage beside his big dark blue backpack and that cute fanny pack of his, so he headed to the exit soon after giving a parting handshake to Lu Han.

Lu Han regretted not asking for any type of contact information to at least keep in touch with the smaller man.

The freeway flashes in an instant, and in no time, Lu Han arrives at the apartment complex he rented out for this trip of an unknown length of time. He tries to navigate himself of the new surroundings, remembering about where the landlord placed his key for him to retrieve. He finds it after reading the note in his phone, and he also finds where his room is.

He drags his suitcase along the hallway, but other light footsteps are close behind him after climbing up the stairs to land on the floor’s hallway, so he stops to see what it is all about. They both are surprised looking at each other’s faces once again, especially after thinking that Lu Han will probably never see that face ever again.

There Minseok is, strolling easily, with a bag full of takeout food on his hand. When he takes in what he is seeing of Lu Han and his enormous luggage, Minseok grasps on what’s going on.

“Are you moving in here?” Minseok asks him once he is closer to the tall man.

“For this trip, yeah. I rented out a unit for monthly lease, just because. Are you staying in this complex too?” Lu Han asks the obvious.

“Yes,” Minseok says as he points at the door across Lu Han’s. “I am right over here. Basically, I put on a yearlong lease because I do a lot of business trip here in New York. It’s a lot easier because I don’t have to pack and unpack too many things as I stay here and left any needed attires in the apartment.”

“Then, I guess you are my neighbor now, for the time being,” Lu Han tells him with a wide smile.

Minseok replies with a gummy grin. “Hey. If you want to have dinner together, I mean—I bought a lot of takeout food, you could come over,” then his gaze chances upon the big luggage, “After you’ve settled down, of course. I wouldn’t mind waiting.”

“You’re very kind, you know that? I’ll be quick so you won’t be waiting for too long, okay?”

“Sure. Take your time, Lu Han. I am here if you need anything.”

They wave each other before retreating to their own places. Lu Han closes the door behind him before giddily squeals in minimal voice. He quickly drags the large suitcase taking away a few stuff once he brought it over to his room, doesn’t even bother to explore the place just yet and swiftly heads over to the shower. He cleans himself up meticulously, washing away the long hours of flight off him. He digs around the suitcase for a proper casual dinner attire, not even bothering to put the clothes into the closet. He can do that later anyway.

A few minutes later, he knocks on his neighbor’s door, and a bright gummy smile greets him.

Dinner is full of food and chatter, with Minseok answers all of Lu Han’s numerous queries about where to get anything at any time, all the basic necessity.

Their jetlagged bodies are still adjusting, so they are restless even though it is close to midnight already. Minseok offers to help Lu Han settling down his apartment as a way to tire them both so that they can go to sleep.

“But like, only thinking about unpacking already wears me out,” Lu Han sighs afterwards.

“Then you should go to sleep if you are already tired. I could help you later if you want. I am here, just a hallway away.” Minseok offers with a cheerful smile.

The blond man bids his good night to the smaller man, ruffling the black strands softly because he has been thinking about that all day. Minseok’s surprised and confused face makes Lu Han tugs another smile out of him, and Minseok’s pouting reprove is something he wants to keep forever in his memories. Minseok stops himself from sulking when he sees Lu Han’s face full of mirth, seemingly okay to just let the taller man get away with it.

 

 

 

“Yes, I am fine,” Lu Han talks into the receiver. He hears the other line asking him generic questions. “I still don’t know how long I would be in here. I might as well exhaust my visa before coming back. I kinda don’t want to deal with another fifteen-hour flight anytime soon.”

Lu Han finds the earphone and quickly put it on. He is moving around some furniture because he doesn’t like how it was before, making more space where he could sprawl around without too much restriction. He still has to figure out how to set up the TV yet. Maybe he should ask Minseok how to do it later.

“Jongdae, stop nagging. I’m fine. If you miss me so much, you could just come over here,” Lu Han sighs but his lips twitch into a small smile for his best friend’s sentiment.

_“Shut up. If I do that, then who’d be giving Yifan the nasty eyes for being such a jerk? That guy needs all the stink-eyes he deserved.”_

Lu Han laughs good-naturedly. “It’s fine, Jongdae. Sometimes things just don’t meant to be. Me and Yifan will be better if we’re not together. I told you, office romance would never work out.”

_“Fine. If you say so. By the way, Chanyeol asked if he should expect something from you while you’re away.”_

“Hm, I don’t know about that yet. Tell him, wasn’t he the one who suggested for me to have some vacation away? I didn’t even bring any equipment with me.”

_“Well, he thought maybe you’ll get more inspired if you’re relaxed and all. But no pressure, though. We still have enough to pitch for upcoming projects.”_

“Sure. Tell him my eternal gratitude for his understanding. Go to sleep, Jongdae. It’s already past two a.m. for you.”

Jongdae utters his crackling goodbye and the line goes dead right after. Lu Han glances at the clock on his phone and wonders if Minseok is at home and want to have lunch together. The other day when he knocked on his neighbor’s door at similar hour, there was no answer. They really should exchange numbers soon.

 

Nevertheless, Lu Han strides over the hallway and raps on the door once, twice, thrice, and somehow not much later he hears some shuffling from inside the apartment and he instantly smiles.

“Did you just wake up? It’s like, almost sun down,” Lu Han says after taking in Minseok’s mussy appearance.

The smaller man yawns—Lu Han holds his urge to coo at him—he rubs a hand over his eyes—cue another urge to coo—before he puts his cheek onto the doorframe. “I had a late night,” Minseok mumbles before another yawn.

“Nice. And I’m hungry. Let’s go have lunch,” Lu Han tells him.

“Don’t wanna go outside. You should cook for me,” another mumble.

Lu Han sighs in mock exasperation. “Fine. The things I’d do for you, you big baby,” Lu Han grumbles before pushing his way into the familiar space. He washes his hand on the sink before putting on an apron and begins to scamper around the kitchen to find some ingredients.

Minseok takes a seat across the aisle and sleepily putting a hand under his chin for some support, while looking at the other man getting busy in the kitchen.

“You don’t have any ramen,” Lu Han announces, looking over to Minseok who rolls his eyes.

“That thing is unhealthy.”

“But that’s the only thing I am capable of cooking.”

The smaller man groans good-naturedly before getting up from his seat. Sleepy no longer. He washes his hands on the sink before rushing over to Lu Han’s side. The blond grins winningly as Minseok starts to pull out enough ingredients for two. “What did I even expect?” Minseok grumbles.

Lu Han happily helps the other prepare for the food, Minseok instructs him every now and then. Lu Han lets the rice-cooker steam after he washes the rice and put enough amount of water. Minseok fries some pieces of chicken on the stove, while Lu Han takes over to stir the hot sauce. Minseok reheats the leftover side dish he has in the fridge, and when everything nearly done, Lu Han prepares for the table.

They eat together delightedly and Lu Han catches a meaningful smile from Minseok.

“Is it good?” Minseok asks.

“Very delicious.” Lu Han grins before taking another bite of hot chicken.

“Eat a lot, _you big baby_.”

Lu Han answers by sticking out his tongue at the black-haired man.

 

“Give me your number.”

Minseok has just stepped out of his room, freshly showered and he wears a comfortable loose bright yellow shirt, hair all messed up from drying it with a towel. He looks like the sun, Lu Han thinks.

The smaller man answers with, “What?”

“I said, let’s exchange numbers. I came over the other day but you weren’t home, so I figure I should’ve texted you first to know if you’re busy or not. You know,” Lu Han reasons.

“Ah, sure.” Minseok goes over to his study desk and then back to offer Lu Han his phone to put in his contact in.

Lu Han calls his own number after saving the contact info into Minseok’s phone. His own phone rings loudly and he saves Minseok’s number in his.

“You said you’re here for business trip? What kind of business?” Lu Han asks, patting on the spot beside him for Minseok to sit. The TV is showing an old movie rerun.

“Art gallery,” Minseok answers.

“You mean you are directing it?”

“I’m the owner. Somebody else is directing it. I’m here to monitor over every now and then to see what kind of project they are working on. Giving approval whenever needed, meeting a few funding sponsors, and tying partnerships. This city is already like a second home to me for how much I am coming back to here,” Minseok explains.

Lu Han’s mouth forms a big O at the explanations. Now he finally knows how busy Minseok could get. Maybe not barging into the man’s apartment would be more proper, even though Minseok usually lets Lu Han get away with anything. Lu Han is still glad he met Minseok and befriended him. He doesn’t know what gives, but he feels like he has known Minseok his whole life. That sense of familiarity is only natural when it comes to Minseok.

Lu Han asks him of what days will he be free from work load, to which Minseok answers with non-committal shrugs. His schedule to go to the gallery is still rather tentative for the first few weeks, as he works mostly from home unless the conference needs to be done face to face. Other than that, he is free from duty, though still has to be ready whenever needed.

“Your job sounds interesting and heavenly, like you get a lot of freedom on your part,” Lu Han comments.

“Not really. I’m just lucky, I guess. It took roughly ten years until I get to this point, and I love New York enough to the point I kinda want to settle in here. That’s why I am establishing a business here in the city. There is something that pulls me in, like I am supposed to find something and New York seems like one of the places I need to search in.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just, something like that. It takes time, but I think I am so close to find it,” Minseok tells him meaningfully. Minseok’s eyes are distant, like, just as he says that he is searching for something, probably even right now.

“I hope you find it,” Lu Han blurts out, he is as surprised at himself even though he still doesn’t really understand what the other is talking about.

Minseok smiles at him instead, not questioning the confusion in his eyes. “I hope you do too. Whatever it is you are searching for.”

 

 

 

“Do you know any place that sells some music instruments?” Lu Han asks to the receiver.

_“Huh?”_

“Musical instrument, like guitar or piano or keyboard.”

_“You want to buy a guitar?”_

“Or piano or keyboard, anything works, actually.”

_“Um, I might know some places. But I can’t right now.”_

“I noticed.” Lu Han could hear some loud distant chatter from the other side where Minseok currently is. “It’s not that I need this right away, I still have to install some soundproofing materials in my room before the other neighbors barge in to complain about the noise.”

_“Do you know where to get the stuff?”_

“No. Not really,” Lu Han says and chuckles sheepishly. “I need to get something that is quick to assemble and unassembled in no time.”

_“You sure do. I’ll ask around and get back to you later, okay?”_

“Thank you. Good luck on your thing!” Lu Han says, making Minseok chuckles before they both hang up.

 

 

 

“Never knew you have this kind of talent,” Minseok tells him after Lu Han successfully tune in his guitar.

“Hey! I thought I told you that I’m a music producer.” He didn’t really play some proper notes and melody, but still. Minseok’s comment was rather uncalled for.

“I thought you were just bluffing,” the black haired man cheekily shrugs, only one corner of his mouth tilts up in a teasing grin. He sits on the carpeted floor against the foot of Lu Han’s bed, watching over him with the proper amount of intensity and fascination.

Lu Han quickly ducks down and ignores the blush that begins to creep over his face for being the other end of that intense gaze. “Yeah, well. Shut up. You wound me.”

Minseok chuckles. That beautiful sound. And Lu Han gets some sudden melody ringing inside his ear, to which he quickly plays aloud. It’s nice and exciting, dripping with merriment, and easy for the ears. He surprised himself this time, one and another way.

“Now I kinda see it. You look so cool and handsome playing that guitar,” Minseok says as Lu Han finishes playing a piece of the melody.

Lu Han reflects the same grin Minseok is adorning. “I am cool, aren’t I?”

“Now that I see it, you look so silly grinning like that.”

“What is it? Is today the backhanded-compliment day or what?” Lu Han asks incredulously.

“No. I meant everything I said. Both the compliments and the insults,” Minseok laughs boisterously after sticking out his tongue. The little shit.

Calmly, Lu Han put down the guitar on its stand, away from where they are sitting. Minseok seemingly thinks that Lu Han is letting him get away with it, so he isn’t prepared when Lu Han launches himself at him, trapping him down and giving the smaller man the tickles of his life. Minseok is screaming from the top of his lung while trying to wriggle himself out of Lu Han’s tight hold. The blond man ignores his half-assed plead for him to stop.

Lu Han should’ve not underestimate Minseok’s strength, because the smaller man easily turns them over, so Minseok traps Lu Han underneath him now. Lu Han is thoroughly doomed because he can’t breathe, for one reason and another. They are both panting, temporarily retreating any further tickling, and from this angle, Lu Han could only see how ethereal Minseok looks, his slightly opened mouth catching up on breathing more air in.

He wonders... what those lips would feel like against his.

He wonders... why does he feel like this, that feeling of longing again. As if he has some kind of unfinished business with those lips.

One second, they exchange glances at each other, another second, Lu Han pulls Minseok down gently by his neck. Their lips meeting in short peck with a light soundly _oof_. The bump is mostly filled with surprise, so that ends as quickly. Minseok lifts himself up with hands on each sides of Lu Han and he blinks while looking at the man under him. Lu Han only tilts his head in both question and permission, another blinking and Minseok closes his eyes before his lips going down on Lu Han’s once again.

Lu Han captures Minseok’s mouth in a slow but certain chase, drowning in the softness of the smaller man’s plush lips. He doesn’t know but the tiny surprised gasp Minseok lets out make him flutter a smile onto the kiss. When Minseok pushes back onto Lu Han’s own lips, his heart soars the relief he never know he has been craving for. One of his shifty hands make way to Minseok’s cheek, thumb caressing the soft roundness, while Minseok’s hand takes the smallest grip on Lu Han’s shirt.

Minseok lets his other hand that has been steadying him up to go lax before Lu Han takes the small hand in his, so now his body flushes against the other man. Lu Han licks Minseok’s lips and he grants him by parting his lips, tongues finally meeting each other. Their little noise let out in unison, not really caring which sound belongs to whom.

They part for more air. Lu Han smiles at Minseok before rubbing his nose together.

“Thank you,” Lu Han starts.

“For kissing you?” Minseok asks cheekily.

“Yes, for that. And for being here.”

“I am here, Lu Han,” Minseok says, his eyes earnest and certain like a promise.

 

“What does this make us?” Lu Han asks after a few beat.

Minseok hums in a short deep thought. “Kissing partner? You are a very good kisser.”

“You are too, Minseok. But I want more than that.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I want you to stay,” Lu Han says.

As Lu Han looks at Minseok’s eyes, he swears there are some flashes of sadness and hope mixed within in them, threatening to fall out. But the sparks in his eyes screams happiness, immense and prolonged. His next words seem to hold more meaning to them.

“I won’t leave you, Lu Han. I am here.”

They kiss again, shortly this time, before both getting up. Lu Han takes Minseok’s hand and pull them together onto the bed, falling slowly on the mattress with a bounce. Their chuckle afterwards is short because Lu Han cuts it off with another kiss.

He doesn’t realize it at first but it feels like that feeling of longing finally hit him, again in full force. His longing feels even more distant as if he has been this way since a very, very long time before. Even way beyond that. Though it seems not that significant anymore, because Minseok is here with him, in his hold, emanating warmth and nothing else he could ask for.

“Hi,” Lu Han whispers, smiling.

“Hey, you.”

Lu Han kisses Minseok again and everything is warm. He kisses Minseok’s slowly, soft pecks onto the cheeks, repeated faintest pecks onto the closed eyelids. He starts with the jaw and Minseok’s small fingers make way to Lu Han’s blond strands. Carefully, Lu Han flushes themselves together once more when he returns to taking Minseok’s lips again, which soon part as Lu Han licks his way inside.

The small noises Minseok make sure are a joyful music to Lu Han’s ears. The slight roll of hip onto Minseok’s prompts a louder gasp from the smaller man.

“Tell me when to stop,” Lu Han whispers.

“I don’t want you to stop.”

So he doesn’t. They start to move in tandem, slowly, prolonging the pleasure, their grunts and moans fill up the tight hotness of the room. Lu Han could really cry right now. He takes the pads of Minseok’s fingers onto the underneath of his own shirt letting Minseok to feel the warmth that is all solely because of him. Of a particular hard thrust, Minseok sinks his fingers into Lu Han’s skin and they both cry out the loudest sigh of contentment. Everything is hotter but still pleasant, only more passionate.

The sweaty white shirt Lu Han wears is the first one to go. Minseok’s baby-blue shirt is halfway off before the smaller man flips their position, with Minseok on top of Lu Han. The smaller man swiftly motioning himself out of the last top between him and Lu Han. His pale but toned skin is on display making Lu Han reaches out a hand to trace every crease there is. He could feel Minseok’s racing heartbeat and his own heart sails off.

Whispers of praise are at the tip of his tongue before Minseok dives in and pushes his own tongue onto Lu Han’s, the words replaced instantly with another appreciative moan. Lu Han sneaks his hands into Minseok’s pants, caressing the firm globes and Minseok sighs. Then he takes Lu Han’s hand to give Minseok’s erection a feel, crying out as he buries his face into Lu Han’s shoulder when the taller man concede to him, giving a good squeeze as the smaller man thrusts into it.

Lu Han brings Minseok from on top of him to his side, all the while pulling down Minseok’s khaki, bringing the briefs with them in one swift motion. His hand making circular motion on the crown of Minseok’s dick, slicking it up with the pre-cum before he takes a grip on the hard member as Minseok gets back onto thrusting into the tight ring of the squeezing hand. A few flick of the wrist makes Minseok come into Lu Han’s hand, the smaller body is vibrating while a relieved moan lets out at the same time. Lu Han stops the stroking when he feels Minseok starting to squirm because of the oversensitivity.

“Felt good?” Lu Han asks him.

“Yeah,” Minseok answers breathlessly.

“Do you want to clean up?”

Minseok looks at him incredulously, his thick black eyebrow lifted in disbelief of what the other man is saying. “We’re not done yet.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Just give me a couple more minutes.” Minseok steadies his breathing with a small smile.

Lu Han gives a tender kiss on Minseok’s forehead before getting up from bed. He takes out a few things from his cabinet, throwing out the used wet wipes carelessly onto the floor behind him. He put the remaining pack of wet wipes within reach. He holds up the condom and lube in each hand, questions in his eyes as he’s standing up right beside the bed.

“You,” Minseok simply says.

Lu Han nods and pulls Minseok over for a short passionate kiss. A small hand tugs on Lu Han’s black slacks.

“We have to be equally naked for this relationship to work out,” Minseok tells him after breaking the kiss.

Lu Han giggles at that. “Strip me,” he says jokingly.

Minseok sits up obediently, hands already working on the pants, pulling them down for Lu Han to shuck them off. Lu Han’s legs almost lose their balance when Minseok takes the hard member into his mouth soundlessly. He _did not_ expect that.

The swirl of Minseok’s tongue could end him at any time, so Lu Han pulls back, dick instantly going colder when Minseok’s mouth no longer envelops it. “Babe, I won’t last long if you do that.”

He kisses Minseok again, tasting himself on Minseok’s tongue as he brings himself back on to the bed. He parts Minseok’s legs, placing a pillow under Minseok’s waist, and then his long finger teasing the rim and he could feel it tensed up at the stimulation. He pulls himself back before cramping his head in between the smaller man’s legs, putting the underside of both knees over his shoulder. Lu Han kisses his way to Minseok’s strong thighs, playfully half-biting a few spots before he laps at Minseok’s entrance.

Lu Han’s tongue licks a stripe on the crack of Minseok’s ass, making his limp dick slowly going hard again. He pushes his tongue slowly into the rim and he could feel Minseok’s thighs wrapping his head tensely. Lu Han continues to ease himself in, and Minseok’s sound of pleasure instantly fills the room, encouraging the blond for more.

He sucks on the rim particularly hard once more, making Minseok scream aloud all the while entrapping Lu Han’s head with unintentional force of his thighs. Lu Han feels a little bit dizzy, but he doesn’t mind, just continue to go on with the ministrations.

“I’m going to finger you now, are you ready?” Lu Han asks, getting up as he uncaps the bottle of lube, then putting some onto his hand, his eyes looking at Minseok for confirmation. All he could see is how beautifully wrecked Minseok looks like as he nods his answer. His heart full of bubbling pride because it _is_ because of him.

One finger ease in quickly, massaging the walls the way his tongue couldn’t. Minseok’s sigh of pleasure sounds like a melody that Lu Han wants to familiarize himself in. He searches for that spot and he knows he finds it when Minseok arches his back screaming out hoarsely, “There!”

Lu Han adds another finger taking them in and out in steady rhythm, getting deeper and deeper to continuously hitting that spot but not too much. Another finger added and Minseok ease up significantly, getting used to Lu Han’s pace.

“Come on, Lu. I want you,” Minseok says with bated breath.

Lu Han pulls out his fingers slowly. He tears off the condom packet carefully before rolling it down onto his own hard dick, lathering it with the remaining lube on his fingers.

The first thrust gets Lu Han moaning loudly, basking in the tight heat of Minseok. He moves slowly, back and forth, back and forth, igniting the fire within both of them. It seems like a successful effort, what with of how loud they both are getting. Luckily, they don’t have to worry about creating disturbance because Lu Han has soundproofed his room—not intentionally for this, though, but it is nice to make the utmost use of it. Breathless chants of each other’s name feels like the rising smoke from the aftermath of that ignited fire, sweats trickling down their bodies—a proper reaction from the hotness inside the room.

Lu Han keeps up the pace, changing the angle by lifting up Minseok’s leg and throw it over his shoulder. Minseok babbles about in between his screaming and gasps as Lu Han hits deeper and deeper within him, each aim spots on right to his prostate.

He wants to kiss Minseok again, telling him how good it feels being inside him. He wants to kiss Minseok, so he pulls out, before turning Minseok over to his side and Lu Han gets behind him, lifting a leg and place it over his arm to spread the smaller man wider. This way they could kiss lazily and it really feels infinitely better.

“Getting there?” Lu Han asks in between thrusts and kisses.

“Yes—harder—ah, I’m close,” Minseok murmurs, eyes rolling back.

Lu Han picks up the pace once again, more brutal and the sound of skin slapping skin gets even more incessant. Minseok thrusts back onto Lu Han to catch the other’s rhythm, and a few moments later Lu Han screams out Minseok’s name as he spills into the condom inside of his lover. He continues his rutting inside Minseok lazily, much slower this time as he comes down from his high. His hand reach over to Minseok’s untouched dick, sheathing it and coaxing it with enough squeeze that gets Minseok spurting onto his stomach, Lu Han screams alongside of him because he could feel his limp dick getting tightened by Minseok’s muscles still surrounding him.

They both are busily and noisily catching their breath. Lu Han pulls out slowly, peeling off the condom and throw it somewhere on the floor after tying it. He proceeds to clean Minseok up, peppering the inside of his thighs with light kisses before teasingly put a small kiss onto Minseok’s limp dick. Minseok whines at the oversensitivity and Lu Han chuckles before gathering the smaller man into his arms. He wipes some strayed tears of pleasure before putting another kiss for each of Minseok’s eyes. Lu Han closes his eyes after telling how amazing Minseok is and how lucky Lu Han to have him.

 

 

 

_“So, you don’t even bother to call me anymore, huh? Did you already forget about me? Are you dumping me?”_

“Stop being so overdramatic, I was just... busy.” Lu Han looks over to the man beside him who is mouthing _Jongdae?_ Lu Han nods at that.

_“You’re on a vacation. What could you be possibly busy of doing? Stop lying to me, just say you hate me and you don’t love me anymore and go.”_

Lu Han snorts. “There are things to get busy for people who are vacationing too, you know. Anyway, did Chanyeol tell you about what I sent to him the other day?”

_“No. Wow, not even Chanyeol cares about me anymore. I see how this is.”_

“I thought you guys are joined to the hip, so I assume I only have to inform either one of you.”

_“Forget it. Nobody loves me. Everyone left me. They’re all out without me, having fun.”_

Amidst the singsong, Lu Han can hear the pout Jongdae is sporting halfway across the world. It makes him chuckle. “You know that is not true, Jongdae.”

There is a loud humph before Jongdae continues. _“By the way, when are you going to come back? Your three months is almost up.”_

It’s Lu Han’s turn to sigh. “I know. I think I’m getting too attached,” he says this as he glances at Minseok who is watching him curiously.

_“Well, you gotta get back soon. Or else, we’re gonna start with Lay’s third child without you. I mean, it’s not like he needs our help that much, his talent alone is already beyond amazing.”_

“That’s true. But, I’ll get back to you later about this.”

_“As if.”_

And with that, Jongdae ends the call abruptly. Lu Han shakes his head looking at the dead screen. _Seriously, Kim Jongdae._

“You have to go back to Seoul, don’t you?” Minseok asks, his hand fiddling with the throw pillow on the couch. They have just finished their dinner at Minseok’s apartment. The past few days, Minseok has been busy with work and he came home so late at night so they didn’t hang out much together. Lu Han gathers Minseok in a long-awaited cuddle.

“Yeah. I didn’t extend my lease for next month. I also crave to be finally get back to work, my brain has been buzzing with so much inspiration, you know.”

“I know. I don’t know much about music, but yours is the style I like,” Minseok quirks up his signature lopsided smile, eyes glinting with a mix of pride and joy. “I like how your music speaks, how I could picture a story rolling when I hear it. I envy your talent. I wish I could be vocal about some things too.”

“You could always share your stories to me. I’m all ears.” Lu Han says as he plays with the black strand, it’s longer now, perfect to be mussed up and watch Minseok’s face scrunched up when Lu Han messes around with it.

“Maybe. Someday, I wish,” Minseok utters thoughtfully.

 

 

 

Lu Han didn’t hear the front door opened and when he looks up from his guitar to glance at his bedroom door, there’s Minseok dragging his feet tiredly, still in his business attire, silver and black tie loosened up around his collar. The smaller man lets himself fall onto the springy bed with a bounce before he sighs tiredly.

“Arduous meeting?” Lu Han asks.

“Long, tiring, arduous meeting,” Minseok huffs, closing his eyes. “Sing for me.”

So Lu Han starts playing. He stays on the floor, looking up at the man on the bed, who positions himself on his front row seat so his big dark brown eyes could peek under to where Lu Han is. He plays Minseok’s favorite one. The lyrics is still incomplete, so some verses are still filled with hum. It doesn’t matter because Minseok still seems to like it so much. He’ll work on the lyrics soon so that he could properly give the man a proper show someday. The song is about someone’s reluctance of parting with their significant other, so they ask them not to go and take them to places together, flying away together, following each other anywhere, everywhere. It’s a cheesy song, but it’s actually holding more meaning to it.

He finishes the piece with his signature warm smile, but Minseok does not clap for him. Instead, he reaches out from the edge of the bed to give Lu Han a kiss in place of the well-deserved standing applause. He plops back down and Lu Han puts his guitar on its stand before heading to join Minseok on the bed.

“Change your clothes and let’s go to sleep. I’ll play with you tomorrow,” Lu Han tells him, to which Minseok nods and gets up from the bed to prepare for sleep.

“You’re already packing your stuff up?” Minseok calls from the bathroom.

“Some of it. I still have two days. I have to drop by to Beijing to see my parents first before going back to Seoul,” Lu Han says.

“You’re gonna fly the whole time alone?” Minseok asks as he climbs the bed beside Lu Han.

“Ugh. Don’t remind me.”

“If somebody ask you if you want to hold their hand, just take it,” Minseok mumbles.

“No way. I’ll just sleep for thirteen hours. It should be fine,” Lu Han says. He is still going to be scared, but he’ll be over it eventually.

Minseok chuckles. He takes Lu Han’s hand and gives it a warm squeeze.

“I’ll wait for you in Seoul, okay?” Lu Han whispers.

Minseok nods before closing his eyes and drifting himself to sleep. Lu Han soon follows after.

 

 

 

It turns out the waiting has to be extended for more months than initially intended. One of Minseok’s gallery partner offers them another project to work on together. Minseok could just appoint the director in New York to take over, but the partner favors Minseok because they know each other since a long ago, so he couldn’t refuse this one. Lu Han says his understanding and tells him he misses him every day in any way he can. When Minseok jokingly asks him why he has to wake up to the same text every morning, Lu Han tells him because he doesn’t want Minseok to forget him, to which Minseok replies with _I’m not forgetting you, and I never will._

Jongdae catches him smiling at his phone at lunch break’s time, and he has to clears his throat loudly, more than necessary. “It must’ve been nice. Having a boyfriend,” the younger man laments.

“Go date Chanyeol. Just take him to dinner once and work it out.” Lu Han says, tone snarky.

“You’re the one who told me office romance would never work.”

“Yeah, but you guys know each other way before you started working together, though.”

“Still nah. He deserves someone better than me anyway. And it’s not like I’m in desperate need to have a boyfriend,” Jongdae says solemnly.

“Whatever floats your boat, Jongdae,” Lu Han leaves it at that.

“How’s Minseok?” Jongdae shuffles through the scribbling Lu Han has been working on. Lu Han’s actually pretty embarrassed by it, because nowadays he only writes cheesy things. But it’s Jongdae, he’ll still find a way to make fun of Lu Han, cheesy things or not.

“Still the same. Still halfway around the world away. Not much change.”

“Really?” Jongdae sarcastically says. “I mean, I don’t know, man. With how much you’re talking about him on daily basis, like literally every single day, I wonder if there’s even possible for some drastic revelation about him or something.”

“Nah. That’s the thing with him. It’s just so familiar between us, even from day one. I feel like I already know him my whole life, even way beyond that,” Lu Han thoughtfully says.

“That must’ve felt nice. And I wish I could understand that, but yeah, well,” Jongdae shrugs, his signature curled-up smile on his face. “I hope he’ll come back soon, and you should let me meet him. I have to see this man who get you all whipped.”

“I am not whipped!”

“Yeah, tell them to your scribbles. With the way how you’re only thinking of him even while you’re at work, I won’t be surprised if in one of the songs you’ll include ‘Minseok’ in it.” Jongdae juts out his lower lip in a mocking gesture. Lu Han gapes at the younger man, but couldn’t even tell him that’s not true. At all.

 

 

 

The announcement goes off telling the Incheon Airport niche about the landing of the flight from New York City. Lu Han giddily waits at the arrival gate, his impatient legs keep swaying on the ball of his feet. His eyes are busy searching for cat-like eyes with perfect thick eyebrows, round cheeks, and pouty lips. Lu Han even stretches his long neck amongst the throng of people, not wanting to miss the first sight of seeing Minseok back in Seoul.

His grin gets even wider when he catches the sight of the smaller man, both wave excitedly before they hurry their steps towards each other. Lu Han engulfs Minseok in a long-awaited hug as he whispers to his ears, “I missed you so much.”

Lu Han doesn't know why he is feeling this immense relief. Extremely relieved that he sees the man before him yet again, bright full-of-life smile and soft warm skin under his embrace. Very much alive and well. He never says it, but he always feel so anxious the whole time waiting for Minseok.

As if the possibility of him never coming back could drown him in the coldness of uncertainty.

“I’m here, Lu Han,” Minseok squeezes Lu Han tighter. “I’m here.”

 

Lu Han wastes no time to kiss Minseok senseless right after they get into the smaller man’s penthouse. His mind spins with so much relief to see Minseok back to his arms, there, giggling that easy laughter, the same light on his face never seems to fade away. He feels very glad, reassured, as if the weight of the world has been taken off from his burden. He never feels anything like this, at least not in this lifetime.

“Baby, I need to wash this fifteen-hour flight off of me first. I don’t like how my clothes sticking onto me,” Minseok tells him.

“I could take them off of you,” Lu Han says, his tone hopeful.

“No, seriously. I feel so filthy,” Minseok smiles fondly.

“ _No, seriously._ I’m taking them off.” Lu Han works on the yellow sweater first, pulling it out from Minseok’s head and arms in one quick motion. He tweaks the bare pink nipples and Minseok squeaks at him.

“At least let me in the bathtub first. So impatient,” Minseok huffs before walking away, his hand tugging the whining Lu Han along to follow him. “I am here, Lu Han. I won’t leave you.”

 

 

 

 

Lu Han wakes up with a gasping shake. The light from the outside illuminating the littlest dim inside the room. He squints his bleary eyes, taking in the surrounding. Minseok is there, beside him, snuggling up under the blanket still in his calm sleep. Until the smaller man shifts and realizes Lu Han is awake in the middle of the night.

Minseok makes a little noise before clearing his throat. “Hannie?”

“Hey. I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep, okay?” Lu Han says as he looks to his side, ready to lull them back to sleep.

“Bad dream?” Minseok whispers instead.

Lu Han hesitates but then ends up nodding anyway. “No need to worry. Maybe I was just too tired I ended up dreaming. It has been a while since I had a dream so vivid like this.”

He sees flashes of the things happened in the dream, wondering if one supposed to remember every detailed scene like this even after waking up completely. Even now, he could still feel the shiver of the piercing coldness. He snuggles himself under the blanket before taking Minseok into his hold for better comfort. His boyfriend easily fits himself in, with his cheek meeting Lu Han’s neck. It feels warmer now, infinite times better.

They lay there just like that for good minutes, Lu Han’s hand continuously tapping Minseok’s side lightly, hoping that could drift them back to sleep.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Minseok says in the midst of the lull.

“Would you mind hearing it?” Lu Han asks instead.

“You know I wouldn’t mind.”

Lu Han sighs. The flickers of scenes are bustling inside his mind as he formulates the words to tell Minseok. The dream was about them. It seems very distant, yet it seems very real. And there were a lot of feelings involved between the two of them in that dream. Even Lu Han couldn’t help questioning if this is only some kind of projecting in his part.

He begins with telling Minseok about a journey at the sea, about how he met Minseok on a cruise. Like a scene from some drama, he bumped into Minseok, all the similar kind of cliché. They met and he tried to befriend him, and Minseok seemed too bewildered even though eventually he opened up to him. They explored the ship together, walking together side by side under the moonlight, first class view of magnificent sunset, _it was such a luxurious cruise ship, it seems_ , as Lu Han commented. Fancy dinner at the dining saloon, but one day he and Minseok chose to eat together on a deserted deck, saying stuff like overcoming one’s fear and making fun of each other. There were many smiles, shy laughter. It didn’t seem like a bad dream at all.

He remembers falling for Minseok’s eyes and lopsided smile.

But Lu Han also remembers confusion, surprise, and unexpected rush. The fear was so sudden. Suddenly there was a struck, and everybody was in panic. The piercing cold and the hopelessness, all in the midst of the booming siren, and people were screaming. Remembering the fall from the sinking ship gives him goosebumps all over his skin. The cold easily enveloped him and it felt like he could easily froze if he wasn’t careful. But most of all, it wounded him the most when he saw Minseok didn’t open his eyes. His excruciating effort to scream and cry was the one waking him up from the dream.

Recollecting and speaking about the dream is painful. Lu Han is startled when he feels something wet dropped on his neck. Gently and ever so carefully, he holds Minseok to look better at the smaller man.

“I’m sorry. Why are you crying? Is it that sad? I’m so sorry, Minseok,” Lu Han says. He wipes the tears on Minseok’s cheeks and proceeds to stroking them lightly.

An unending repeat of _Don’t worry, it’s just a dream, Minseok_ , makes its way to be whispered to the smaller man’s ears, Lu Han’s hold is tighter and calming him. When Minseok begins trembling in his sobbing, Lu Han is shaken up along with him. He feels his heart is breaking pieces by pieces.

“It’s not just a dream, Lu Han,” Minseok starts.

Lu Han looks at him, puzzled by that statement. Minseok is crying and never in his wildest dream does Lu Han intend to hurt him in any kind. He couldn’t help the shock lacing in his voice, “What do you mean?”

“That dream. It happened, Lu Han. It happened to us.” Minseok’s voice is getting smaller and smaller, and he still couldn’t calm his sobbing down and that certainly doesn’t help anything to erase Lu Han’s confusion.

Lu Han strokes Minseok softly in the midst of his muddled state. He waits. He gets that the dream was weird and it was so vivid and he could still feel his emotion raw even after he wakes up and drawing away from the unconsciousness. That doesn’t seem _normal_.

“It was us. Our very own experience. I—I remember it all, all of them. I remember you. I remember you even before I met you on that plane,” Minseok explains.

Lu Han’s eyes widens, trying to search for any hint of bluff in Minseok’s eyes, but he sees none of it. He could only see the overflowing sorrow beneath the tears, as if it has been there the whole time until finally, finally the dam breaks.

All of this seems like such nonsense, unbelievable freaky coincidence. But then, he remembers how Minseok seemed far too surprised when he saw Lu Han the first time, despite them being strangers to each other. An awful lot of time, Lu Han often caught Minseok as if he looked like he had a lot to say. Lu Han always wondered what it was but decided to leave it at that, not wanting to ever inconveniencing Minseok by prodding with too much questions.

Not to mention his own experience. How his heart always feels that nostalgic longing whenever he is thinking about Minseok. How familiar and how easy for both of them to fall into each other’s life. Both of them never seem to be questioning if they are just heady, because all of this just feels so right.

Maybe Minseok is right.

“I thought... I always think that this is some sort of punishment for me. Because I left you there when I wasn’t supposed to. I remembered everything and it hurt knowing I didn’t even know where you were. Then I found you. I found you, Lu Han,” Minseok says with occasional sniffles. He takes another deep calming breath. “I found you, but you didn’t remember.”

 

“It... it was us?” Lu Han can only ask.

Minseok nods. “It’s us.”

“Why... why did you never tell me? Why are you keeping all of this to yourself, baby?”

He can’t believe this. Why does he never remember any of it? Everything is finally clicking together. So Minseok is really someone he has known his whole life, even way beyond that. No wonder everything about them is just so right.

“I didn’t know how you’d take it. And I don’t really want you to remember every single thing, because I know how painful the memory is.”

“But I want to remember too. It’s full of you, us, there’s no reason not to remember everything,” Lu Han reasons.

“But I left you alone, Lu Han. Even when I promised I wouldn’t,” Minseok whispers before breaking down into tears again.

“But you found me. And you’re here, Minseok. You’re here,” Lu Han strokes Minseok’s hair softly, calming the other man down.

“I’m here,” Minseok says.

There it is, the same phrase Minseok uses so often, repeatedly, even before this lifetime, as if it is a mantra. The words that hold both promise and memories, of long night walk together, side-by-side.

Memories flooding as tears spilling out of the corner of Lu Han's eyes. The sadness they felt when they knew the same feeling they shared would be hopeless anyway. The fright in the name of uncertainty of having to recall the memories without one another beside. The promise to find each other.

And now here they are.

Lu Han can only let himself cry with the contentedness, having to look at the one thing he doesn't realize he has been searching for. The one person who holds the last piece of himself, this whole time, he has found him.

He can't believe Minseok keep this for a long time they know each other in this lifetime. But he is still glad, because it's Minseok.

It's Minseok, and it's here. He's here.

“I know. And I remember everything now,” Lu Han assures him.

“I love you,” Minseok says.

Lu Han shuffles, taking Minseok gently into his arms. He puts a soft kiss onto the smiling face. His soulmate. The love of his live, and possibly even beyond that.

“I love you too,” Lu Han says. “And I remember that too.”

 

 


End file.
